


drabble dump 016

by highboys (orphan_account)



Series: drabble dumps [16]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: F/M, M/M, Meme, Microfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-27
Updated: 2012-10-27
Packaged: 2017-11-17 03:23:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/547102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/highboys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Microfic memes are the road to hell.</p>
            </blockquote>





	drabble dump 016

**Author's Note:**

  * For [andreaphobia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/andreaphobia/gifts), [byuldeureuul](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=byuldeureuul), [greenpolarbear](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=greenpolarbear), [tumblr anons](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=tumblr+anons), [lostsunsets](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostsunsets/gifts).



**( Aomine/Kuroko. )**

 

**1\. Angst**

 

The first reunion, he hadn't bothered to go. The invitation Satsuki left on his doorstep, he left there. He tore it apart, later on.

The second reunion, he spent glowering at Midorima while downing shot after shot as Kise counted out the failures and successes -- Aomine didn't know where Kise put him under, out of earshot, out of mind. He didn't think he cared enough to know.

The third, he came late and saw Kuroko in the hallway, waiting. He was still short(er) and slight(er), still looking for Aomine in the throngs of schoolmates in attendance. _This is what you've been waiting for_ , Aomine told himself. _This is who you've been looking for all of these years_.

"Yo, Tetsu," he said. His throat -- it was dry. Words, they failed him.

"Aomine-kun," said Kuroko. His smile was dimpled, small. He wasn't alone. "I'd like you to meet my wife."

 

**2\. AU**

 

"I'm out of staves," said Kuroko, as he poked at his bag. He upended it and came up with a mostly useless scroll, an expired apple, and a bottle of sunscreen. "And we're out of oil, I think."

"I'm supposed to be asleep," said Aomine. "I don't know why you're telling me these things."

"Playing dead isn't going to work as an effective bait for bears, Aomine-kun," said Kuroko. "Neither is it going to magically conjure Momoi-san for us."

"If I stop breathing long enough, I'm sure she'll come," said Aomine, looping an arm around the back of Kuroko's knees and pulling him down beside him. He stared at the sky, cloudless through the copse of trees.

"We're out of oil," Kuroko repeated, meaningfully, as Aomine's knuckles brushed against the back of Kuroko's neck.

Aomine's grin was dark, and promising. "Don't need one," he said, and bent to kiss his mouth.

 

**3\. Crack**

 

"I can honestly say that this is the first time this has happened to me," said Kuroko, folding his hands on his lap. "It's not everyday a fairy graces me with his presence."

" _Cooking spirit_ ," Aomine corrected, scowling with all the force of a disgruntled foot-tall spiritual being. "And you're not supposed to see me."

"Yes, that," said Kuroko. "Well, I'm visually challenged, so there's no helping it, I suppose. Can we at least pretend this discussion never happened so you can go on your way and --"

Aomine stared at the shopping bag on the counter speculatively. "I'm hungry," he said, petulantly. "Don't you have anything to eat?"

Kuroko sighed. "Never mind."

 

**4\. Crossover**

 

"That girl's doing an awful lot of inappropriate touching for a first date," said Aomine, through a mouthful of cotton candy.

Kuroko thought of Aomine's stray fingers curling around his shoulders before the roller coaster ride, of the way he was drilling holes into an imaginary spot of lint on Kuroko's hair. "Yes," said Kuroko, not even talking about the couple in front of them. "Very inappropriate."

"That was an agreement, right?" Aomine said, scrunching up his face. "I dunno about you, but I think that just meant I'm scoring brownie points now."

Kuroko looked at the ground.

"I'm supposed to touch you now, I think," said Aomine, helpfully.

"Aomine-kun," said Kuroko, taking a deep breath. "Please get out."

 

**5\. First time**

 

"So," said Aomine, as Satsuki ran out of the room shrieking, "I guess we should have locked the door, huh?"

 

**6\. Fluff**

 

Half-awake and running on zero hours of sleep and two cans of beer, Aomine was more honest, more out of depth. He let Kuroko pass a wet cloth over his face, his throat; his head rolled to the side, lips pressed to Kuroko's hip.

"I love you," he whined. He nosed at Kuroko's jeans. "Never leave me alone with Kise."

"You need a shower," said Kuroko, ignoring Aomine's futile search for his zipper, "and possibly an aspirin."

"I think I'd love you even if you couldn't shoot a ball to save your life," said Aomine, sleepily. He abandoned his task and settled for scattering kisses across Kuroko's clothed thigh.

"You say that like you don't love me now," said Kuroko, voice fond. He touched Aomine's cheek; Aomine caught his hand, and held on.

"I'd give you my medals," said Aomine, kissing the inside of his wrist, his palm. "I'd give you all of them, if you wanted them."

"Thank you," said Kuroko, "but I'd prefer it if you went to sleep and remembered this in the morning."

"Okay," said Aomine, and closed his eyes.

 

**7\. Humor**

 

"KUROKOCCHI," Kise howled into his phone, "DID YOU SEE AOMINECCHI'S NAKED VIDEO YET."

"Oh god," said Kuroko, as he flipped through the morning news. BASKETBALL STAR CONFESSES HIS LOVE THROUGH PORNOGRAPHY, said a headline. Kuroko wanted to die.

"HE DEDICATED IT TO YOU," Kise wailed, even as Aomine laughed in the background. "DON'T GO OUT OF YOUR APARTMENT, OKAY."

"I'll swing by later for the sequel, Tetsu," Aomine jeered.

Kuroko wondered if it was too late to hide under his bed forever.

 

**8\. Hurt/Comfort**

 

It's not like it hurts, Aomine tells him. It'll heal in three weeks, tops, and there's no way those damn seniors will come back for more, right? It's okay. It'll be fine.

Aomine's an excellent liar, Kuroko doesn't tell him, and holds him instead.

 

**9\. Smut**

 

Kuroko talks more when Aomine fucks him. Aomine laves kisses into the hollow of his throat, the slightest ridge of bone beneath the collar of his shirt, and Kuroko babbles on, and on. _Please_ , when Aomine crooks his fingers inside him. _Yes_ , when Aomine grips his cock. _Daiki, Daiki, Daiki_ , in time to the creaking of the headboard, the shudder of his bed as Aomine moves against him.

Aomine prays he never says anything else.

 

**10\. UST**

 

As far as fundraisers went, this wasn't the worst idea ever. For five hundred yen he could buy a small measure of Kuroko's love, and maybe slip in a little tongue, too, if Kuroko were amenable to the idea (not that he ever asked). He'd been fantasizing about this moment for _days_.

Except he didn't really count on being included in the booth. He hated Akashi so much.

"Stop scowling and start smiling, Daiki," said Akashi, ever the control freak. "You're scaring all the girls away."

"What girls," said Kise, equally pained and taking his frustrations out on Aomine. "Who'd want to kiss _him_?"

"Yeah," said Aomine, staring at Kuroko as Satsuki pounced, armed with lip gloss and a chapstick. "I wonder who."

 

**( Kise/Kuroko. )**

**1\. Angst**

 

Packing his bags and leaving was easier than he thought it would be.

 

 **2\. AU** \- borrowed heavily from [cheriifans'](http://cheriifans.tumblr.com) universe

 

"This is your boyfriend?" Ryouichi says, squinting at Kuroko in a manner that mildly resembles Kagami. "Isn't he a little too young for your tastes, brat?"

"We're in the same grade, nii-san," Ryouta squawks out.

"Like I said, young," says Ryouichi. Then, to Kuroko, he says, "Ryouta really digs older people, you know. His entire porn collection is full of teachers."

"I'll keep that in mind," says Kuroko, unruffled.

Ryouta suddenly remembers why he never lets his brother meet his friends.

 

**3\. Crack**

 

Of all the pranks the Generation of Miracles has pulled on each other, there are only a few things worth impressing on the juniors:

First: There's something about crustaceans and insects that don't sit well with the rest of the team bar Aomine.

Second: Akashi, for all his strategies, is the least creative person in the world. Midorima comes a close second, which doesn't surprise anyone.

Finally: No one lets Kuroko repeat the "Kise-kun, I'm pregnant" joke anymore.

No one.

 

**4\. Crossover**

 

"There's something really strange about this part of Ikebukuro," says Kise, once the Russian man leaves to shove fliers in other people's faces.

"Is that so," says Kuroko, fiddling with something on his phone.

"I haven't seen this many vending machines upended since Murasakibara tried to go on a diet," says Kise, pulling his scarf up, yellow and frayed at the edges. "And anyway, did you hear about that Dollars gang trashing that karaoke bar last week?"

Kuroko would reply if a man in a fur coat and a ten foot traffic pole didn't careen past them. Kuroko's phone falls to the ground, lighting up with a message for a meet up. He squints at it and wipes at the screen with his fingers.

Somewhere in this same crowd, there are hundreds of people like him. Later, they will make their way in front of the movie house, armed with phones and observant eyes. For now, he has other things to take care of.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Kise-kun," says Kuroko, bowing. "I have urgent business to attend to."

 

**5\. First time**

 

It's not that Kise doesn't think about it. He does, if his right hand can attest to that, except when he's alone in his room with Kuroko looming over him and working at the knot of his tie, Kise regresses to his twelve year old self and chickens out.

"Wait," says Kise, carefully extracting his leg from the space between Kuroko's inner thighs, "don't you think we're moving too fast?"

"Aomine-kun tells me to be more assertive," says Kuroko, thoughtfully. "And if I waited any longer, I think you'd get more basketballs to your face during practice for staring too much."

"I don't stare," says Kise, "and watch where you're putting your hand, oh my god."

"Would you like me to go lower," says Kuroko, looking at Kise's belt. Kise's brain frizzles to a stop, and only restarts when Kuroko bends to kiss him, briefly, and then some more.

"The door!" Kise stammers out when they separate. "I think it's not locked! Um."

"Ryouta," says Kuroko, wiping the corner of Kise's mouth with his thumb, fond, "please shut up."

Kise does.

 

**6\. Fluff**

 

Three things he likes about January, when the snow has yet to thaw: Kuroko's memory, addled by sleep and forgetful of small things; the gloves he always keeps in the back pocket of his bag; and Kuroko's hands slipping into his, like it's nothing.

"Kise-kun," says Kuroko, "you're warm."

 

**7\. Humor**

 

The constant staring isn't anything new. The 'confess your deepest darkest designs on our possibly heterosexual teammate during clean up' is the part Aomine wishes he could live without.

"Stop that," says Aomine, wishing he left clean up to the freshmen, "you're making me feel dirty now."

"If only I could make Kurokocchi feel dirty _inside_ ," says Kise, wistfully.

Kuroko looks hunted, a few feet away; he mechanically tosses a ball to the bin.

"Congrats," says Aomine, "I think you just did."

 

**8\. Hurt/Comfort**

 

"Thank you for the match," says Kise, with some regret, and Kuroko holds on tighter than he ever has before.

 

**9\. Smut**

 

When Kuroko kisses Kise, it's too little, too soft. His mouth is a shadow of teeth, a glimpse of tongue, inexpertly docile, impassive.

That's alright; Kise's a patient boy. He teaches him where to touch, how to suck, when to say yes, say more, and what other words or sounds Kise can coax out of his mouth, he'll discover, soon enough.

He'll learn.

 

**10\. UST**

 

"No one is sleeping next to Kurokocchi in camp except for me," Kise declares over lunch period with a crazed look in his eye.

"Excuse you," says Aomine, "I have best friend rights, so I call dibs on --"

"NO ONE," Kise repeats, stabbing through his plastic cup with his straw.

"You really need to get laid," says Aomine, but concedes.

 

**( Midorima/Takao. )**

**1\. Angst**

 

"Guess we can't all be great at this, huh, Shin-chan," is the only thing Takao says when he hands over his resignation form.

It's the last time they talk.

 

**2\. AU**

 

 _Dear stepmother_ , Midorima writes, one night, while Takao is asleep in his bed and dead to the world and to familial responsibilities, _my new brother and I are getting along swimmingly. The plants in the garden, on the other hand, are nearly wilting from when Kazunari forgot to water them. Rest assured, I have taken steps to discipline him for this recklessness. I would not be a good older brother otherwise --_

Midorima has to pause, at that. He thinks of Takao, pliant and welcoming his fingers, his mouth, his open kisses, Takao, too young and irresponsible and also his, all his. Then he thinks of his father, and Takao's mother, and how this would break their hearts.

He rips the page.

 _Dear stepmother_ , Midorima writes, instead, _please come home soon_.

 

**3\. Crack**

 

"I didn't always spend my time having conversations with vegetables, you know," says Takao, pondering what has become of his life.

"I need more water," says the carrot, imperious as always even in his makeshift throne of a kerokeroppi mug. "And don't be an idiot, Takao."

"I also didn't get insulted by a carrot," says Takao, pointedly, but moves to change the water anyway.

 

**4\. Crossover**

 

"So," says Takao, scratching the back of his head, "I guess we need to talk about this."

"Er," says Bossun, eyeing Midorima warily as Midorima engages in a battle of wills with Switch.

It's the last sale day at Akihabara and Midorima is duking it out with Switch over the last Pretty Cure figurine -- oddly specific as far as Oha Asa goes, Takao supposes, but he never really questions Midorima anymore. It's best to sweep his insanity under the rug and pretend Midorima is the crazy uncle everyone in the team doesn't like to discuss.

"Can you please just let us buy this," says Takao. "Shin-chan's a little screwed up in the head and if he doesn't get his lucky item, _I am so screwed_ , in all manner of ways."

"I didn't need to know that," Bossun mutters, even as Himeko shushes him and motions for him to continue detailing exactly how Midorima would go about with the entire screwing shebang. Yes. He sympathizes with Takao, though. Really, he does, if the way Takao carted Midorima to the store is a sign of adoration, then Bossun has no choice but to admire the purity of Takao's masochism. "Hey, Switch, can't you just go halfsies or something? They only need it for a day, right?"

"Devoted fans _never_ go halfsies," Switch types out. And then, to spite Midorima, he adds _(」゜ロ゜)」_.

"This is gonna take a while," says Bossun, stretching. "Wanna get some tea while they try to out-geek each other some more?"

Takao looks pained. "Sure, why the hell not."

 

**5\. First time**

 

"Wait, wait, wait, what are you doing?" Takao asks, halfway through Midorima undoing the buttons on his shirt and passing a proprietary hand over the small of his back.

"What does it look like I'm doing," says Midorima, slowly, like he's talking to a small child, or Takao. "Don't make me say it, you idiot."

"I don't think you're supposed to call people you want to go to second base with as idiots," says Takao, automatically, but Midorima's hand doesn't still. If anything, it inches closer to his pants. "Seriously though, _what_ are you doing?"

"This is perfectly normal for a third date," says Midorima, snippy in the face of Takao's confusion. "We've been on _hundreds_ since we were in high school, in case you haven't noticed."

"We were dating?" Takao asks, wondrously.

Midorima's answering voice is flat, dangerously so. "You didn't notice."

"You never asked," says Takao, catching Midorima by the arm and pulling him back down before he can retreat. "You just said, Takao, pick me up at seven or I'll hit you with a ball next practice."

"And you didn't notice??"

"Normal people confess and _ask properly_ ," Takao insists.

"And you're an idiot," says Midorima. He looks at the ceiling. "Why did I fall in love with an idiot."

"Oh my god," says Takao, gleefully, "are you blushing? And did you just say you were --"

"I love you, Kazunari," says Midorima, glaring at him with all the force of a school girl -- er, boy unwillingly infatuated with the densest (normal) person in the universe, "will you please have sex with me now?"

 

**6\. Fluff**

 

"Say that again," says Takao, smiling soppily, and Midorima does.

 

**7\. Humor**

 

"How does this sound," says Takao, through the static and the delay, "if your connection gets better, we can have phone sex, okay?"

Midorima thinks of the number of nurses and residents coming in and out of the break room and prays to god it doesn't get better at all.

 

**8\. Hurt/Comfort**

 

"I told you not to provoke the senpai, didn't I," Takao grouses, even as he rummages for a first aid kit in the nurse's office. Midorima is sullenly holding a bag of ice against his swollen cheek and seated on the edge of one of the infirmary beds like a caged animal, tetchy. "But no, you never listen to me, you just go on and on."

"I don't provoke people," Midorima mutters. "I only tell them my honest opinion."

" _That's called being an asshole_ ," says Takao. He emerges, triumphant, with a bottle of betadine and a wad of cotton. "Scoot over so I can throw this on your face."

He doesn't, though; the way he dabs against the cut near Midorima's mouth is gentle, and soft, and Midorima has to remind himself not to fall asleep or else Takao really will dump the antiseptic on his mouth.

"There," says Takao, patting his cheek, the one with the ice, even as Midorima winces, "good as new."

 

**9\. Smut**

 

If anyone told Midorima ten years ago that he would be getting sucked off by Takao in a hotel room after a class reunion, he would have called them a pervert.

Now, he wonders if he's the pervert, keeping his fingers fisted around Takao's hair and rubbing the sweat off Takao's forehead with his knuckles. Takao's mouth is a furnace, his tongue a greedy trail against the underside of his cock, his teeth the barest hint of pain in the fringes of his desire. And Takao just hums and licks and _breathes_ , watching Midorima through half-lidded eyes, as if to say _please_.

No, not a pervert. Only a little bit, maybe.

 

**10\. UST**

 

"So are you two off to your date now," Miyaji says, as Takao hefts his gym bag on his shoulders and gestures impatiently at Midorima to get a move on.

"What date," says Takao. Midorima pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose and widens his eyes at Miyaji. Miyaji ignores this.

"The date you two always go on after practice," says Miyaji, "leaving your poor senpai alone."

"That's funny, senpai," says Takao. "We aren't dating, are we, Shin-chan?"

"No," says Midorima, spitefully, and glowers at Miyaji some more.

"Oh," says Miyaji, lips curling into a smile, "my mistake, then."

It's the only thing Miyaji really looks forward to everyday.

 

**( Kagami/Kuroko. )**

**1\. Angst**

 

 

"Second best isn't enough, is it?" Kagami asked, the words tasting like ash in his tongue.

Kuroko thought of Akashi, indomitable, undefeated, and didn't take Kagami's hand. "It isn't," he agreed.

Three years in a row. He wasn't good enough at all.

 

**2\. AU**

 

"It's not so bad, is it," said Kuroko, patting the back of Nigou's fur, brown and coarse from the desert and perpetually a baby wolf. "Sure, you didn't mean to upend your last bone, and you didn't intend to incubate it without knowing what it was, but at least you have a pet now?"

"Don't let it touch me," Kagami yelled out, stiffly trudging back to the road leading to Prontera's fields. "I am never acknowledging that dog as mine!"

"That's too bad," said Kuroko, with false sadness. "I already put his name in our family register."

"We're not married," Kagami sobbed.

"Not yet," said Kuroko, serenely. Kagami would kick his ass, but Prontera frowned on crusaders harming poor, defenseless clerics.

"Excuse me," said Kagami, tersely. "I have some Peco Peco to fry."

 

**3\. Crack**

 

"Remember when I said I loved you and then you gave a noncommittal nod and let me put a hand down your shorts," said Kagami.

"Yes," said Kuroko.

"Are the dumplings done yet," said Murasakibara, poking his head through the doorway.

"Screw dumplings, I want spring rolls," said Aomine.

"Fried rice," Momoi and Kise chimed in.

"I didn't realize you came with baggage," said Kagami. "Lots of it."

"Excuse me?" Midorima said, vaguely affronted.

"Focus, Shintarou," said Akashi, primly. "And the dumplings _are_ taking too long..."

"I take it back," said Kagami, to Kuroko. "We're breaking up."

 

**4\. Crossover**

 

"Sorry," said Kagami, scratching his head, "this scary dude from the football team manhandled me and threatened to burn down my house if I didn't sign up."

"Oh," said Kuroko, "that happened to you too?"

Riko _hated_ Hiruma.

 

**5\. First time**

 

"This is something you do when you're _married_ ," Kagami insisted after the nth time he smacked a drunk Kuroko away.

"You sound like Midorima-kun," said Kuroko, through his pleasant buzz. "Am I hitting on Midorima-kun right now?"

"NO," said Kagami.

"Oh," said Kuroko. "But you're American. You don't get to say no when soft-spoken and unassuming --"

" _Drunk_."

"-- Japanese boys jump you."

Kagami kicked him out.

 

**6\. Fluff**

 

"It's an American thing," said Kagami, not completely unruffled despite the staring from all directions.

Kuroko accepted the chocolate with a smile.

 

**7\. Humor**

 

"What happened," said Kagami, staring at a very white ceiling.

"A few animals from the animal appreciation club got loose," said Kuroko. "You saved me from a flock of doves and a dog, Kagami-kun."

"Really," said Kagami, flatly.

"Maybe two," said Kuroko. "Hundred."

"Thanks for pushing me into the bio room, by the way," Kagami snarled out. "You little liar."

Kuroko ignored him and graced him with a small smile. "Whatever the case, you were very brave, Kagami-kun."

" _Fuck you so much_."

 

**8\. Hurt/Comfort**

 

If the school nurse came back to find a locked room, she didn't say anything.

Kuroko was too busy comforting Kagami with his hands.

 

**9\. Smut**

 

Kagami's shoulders are broad under the sweep of Kuroko's palm; when Kagami presses him deeper into the futon and Kuroko tightens up in response, his muscles grow taut, patient despite the fingers scrabbling against Kuroko's hip, pinning him down.

Kuroko does not know when Kagami will tire of this, if he will. But that same fear that keeps him at bay, that sometimes overcomes desire and longing -- he'd rather have it than none at all.

 

**10\. UST**

 

"It's just a water bottle," said Kagami. "Now drink."

Kuroko takes it, wordlessly, and tries to find the part where Kagami's mouth may have touched the rim, where his teeth may have bitten the edge.

He leaves no water for Kagami -- only thirst.

 

**( Takao/Kuroko. )**

**1\. Angst**

 

 

When they grow older, Takao sees him less and less. "My eyesight's getting worse," Takao tells him, except sometimes Kuroko wonders exactly how true that is.

 

**2\. AU**

 

"You're on the basketball team, huh," says Takao, whistling at Kuroko's gym bag.

"Yes," says Kuroko. "Takao-kun is in the baseball team, if I remember correctly."

"The senpai are less crazy over there," Takao confesses. "That's really all there is to it."

 

**3\. Crack**

 

 _asl_ , Takao types into the chat box.

 _Takao-kun, is this you_ , says the blinking blue text.

In retrospect, using his real picture in a dating site is a bad idea.

 

**4\. Crossover**

 

"What do you feel about tennis," Takao asks, thinking of the sharp-eyed, sharper tongued boy he'd met at the courts.

"I don't," says Kuroko.

Takao doesn't ask again.

 

**5\. First time**

 

"Well," says Takao, voice muffled by Kuroko's mattress, "that was the worst first time ever."

Kuroko passes a hand through Takao's hair, matted with sweat and getting in the way of his eyes. "It'll get better," he promises, and it does.

 

**6\. Fluff**

 

"Oh man," says Takao, " _I love dogs_."

Kuroko pointedly does not smirk at Midorima, despite Midorima's dismayed expression. Nope. Not even a little, not even at all.

 

**7\. Humor**

 

As far as Seirin and Shuutoku are concerned, letting Takao and Kuroko team up for the test of courage was not a good idea at all.

Kagami still has nightmares.

 

**8\. Hurt/Comfort**

 

"I think you broke my nose," says Takao, muffled through the hand cradling the lower half of his face gingerly. Kagami and the rest of Shuutoku and Seirin stare at Kuroko, horrified. Midorima merely sighs and knocks the ball out of Kagami's hands.

"Oops," says Kuroko, "I missed."

 

**9\. Smut**

 

"Shower's free, Shin-chan," says Takao, breezing past a disgusted Midorima with Kuroko in tow.

"I think you should talk to him about proper shower use," Miyaji says to Ootsubo.

" _No_ ," says Ootsubo, looking at a traumatized Kimura questioning his sexuality in the corner of the locker rooms.

"He's not even _from our school_ ," is all Midorima has to say about it.

Ootsubo gets the freshmen to inspect the shower stalls for any stray liquids just in case.

 

**10\. UST**

 

"Takao-kun is more than welcome to sit with us," says Kuroko.

"Nah," says Takao, waving the invitation off. "I think I'll sit by Miyaji-senpai instead."

Kuroko glowers frighteningly at his udon. Midorima looks at the back of Takao's head like he blames him for everything wrong with his life.

"Suit yourself," says Kagami, and goes through his plate of sushi without another word.

 

**( Akashi/Sakurai. )**

**1\. Angst**

 

 

Aomine asks him about Sakurai, years later.

"Who?" Akashi says, and Aomine learns to stop asking after that.

 

**2\. AU**

 

"Your girlfriend is really possessive, isn't she," Wakamatsu mutters as Sakurai's phone rings during practice yet again.

"You call _that_ possessive," Aomine snorts. "You should see Akashi on _White Day_."

 

**3\. Crack**

 

"I wasn't aware this is what Touou did in its spare time," says Akashi, marveling over how the administration clearly gives no fuck at all about its basketball team, as long as it makes it to Nationals.

"Yeah, I kinda broke the hoop and Sakura's been draining the funds for food--"

"For you," says Momoi.

"--and now we're auctioning off the freshmen," Aomine finishes. "Minus me, of course, because no one really wants to be _my slave_."

"Interesting," says Akashi, looking over the freshmen on the stage. "Who was the one who made your packed lunch again?"

"It was Ryou," says Aomine, bored. "Everyone wants him, so you'll probably have to shell out at least five thousand yen."

"Ten," says Momoi, looking at Wakamatsu-senpai yelling at the other seniors.

"I'll take him, then," says Akashi, forking over twenty thousand without a qualm.

Sakurai trembles some more.

 

**4\. Crossover**

 

"It's a lucrative profession when you rank highly in sales, isn't it?" Akashi said, holding a hand out while his assistant Sakurai trembled in the face of Fukuda's scowl. "Let's do our best, Fukuda-sensei."

"Scary," Takagi mouthed to Mashiro. Mashiro couldn't agree more.

 

**5\. First time**

 

No one is surprised when Akashi asks Sakurai's parents for his hand formally the next day.

"He's that kinda guy," is all Aomine has to say to console Sakurai. "If you have sex with him once, he's never gonna let you have sex with anyone else. _Ever_."

Sakurai groans and falls into his chair, limpid. "But we never even--"

"You let him give you a handjob," says Momoi, apologetically. "That's close enough."

 

**6\. Fluff**

 

For Sakurai's birthday, Akashi leaves a bouquet of roses, fresh and plentiful, on his desk.

Sakurai looks besotted, almost -- or, as close to besotted as he can get when he isn't half-terrified of Akashi. Aomine doesn't even pretend to understand.

"He could have sent _chocolates_ , though," Aomine grumbles to Momoi.

"Dai-chan," says Momoi, cheerfully, "please shut up."

 

**7\. Humor**

 

"So do I have to call you dad now," says Aomine to Akashi, days later, and Sakurai chokes on his tea.

 

**8\. Hurt/Comfort**

 

"I'm sorry," says Sakurai, patting Akashi's hand down with a towel, fluffed up and fresh from the dryer, "I should have warned you about the oil."

"Stop apologizing," Akashi thinks to say, except when Sakurai brings the back of his hand up to graze his lips, he can't say anything at all.

 

**9\. Smut**

 

"Please be gentle," says Akashi, with a hand down Sakurai's flimsy excuse of a towel. "Or, perhaps, not even gentle at all."

 

**10\. UST**

 

Akashi liked to use metaphors a lot. It figured Sakurai would interpret his halting suggestions of infatuation as a death threat.

"RYOU, GET OUT OF THE LOCKER ROOM," Aomine hollers, banging on the door. "He won't kill you! Much. I think."

Akashi shot Aomine a dirty look. Aomine had the gall to waggle his fingers at him in return.

"You really sucked at literature even in middle school, didn't you," says Momoi, sympathetic to his plight.

"Please stop talking," says Akashi, with a smile.

 

**( Kagami/Momoi. )**

**1\. Angst**

 

 

"I'm not Aomine," said Kagami -- his mouth thin and brittle at the edges. "Don't look at me like that."

 

**2\. AU**

 

"Kagami-kun," said Momoi, through a mouthful of creme brulee, "where have you been all my life?"

Kagami's fingers dropped the bag of icing in hand; it fell to the counter with a flat _thunk_. "You sound like Kise," said Kagami, looking pained. "Is this why you're friends?"

"Kise is a darling except when he's being an ass," said Momoi, cheerfully. She was eyeing the rest of her samplers with something resembling psychosis. Kagami wondered if Alex slipped her some drugs in her fruit juice. "And may I please have a slice of that gorgeous red velvet cake?"

"This cafe doesn't serve free food, you know," said Kagami.

"Except if you married the owner," Himuro chimed in like the traitor that he was.

"Oh," said Momoi thoughtfully. "There's an idea."

 

**3\. Crack**

 

The day Kagami woke up in Kuroko's body, he cursed the moment Momoi tracked him down after practice and pulled him into a supply cabinet.

"Do you do this to Kuroko everyday," said Kagami, with feeling.

"I don't know how to feel about this," said Momoi, ignoring him. "Will you let me hold you for a few more minutes while I try to cope with this disaster?"

Kagami tried to breathe through Momoi's chest. He wondered how on earth he couldn't use misdirection. "The bastard kept laughing at me during practice," he said.

"Tetsu is an angel," said Momoi, patting his cheek.

Kagami bristled, at first, then deflated at her touch. "Even in my body, he still can't shoot a damn ball," said Kagami.

"Shhh," said Momoi, "stay quiet so I can pretend you're Tetsu for a little longer."

 

**4\. Crossover**

 

The strangest part about Shohoku, Kagami decided, was that their (power forward) still hadn't gotten kicked out of the team yet.

Kagami was an impatient boy, to some degree, but even he knew better than to make fun of his captain (on purpose), his senpai, and anyone lacking a pair of balls. He also knew better than to touch his coach inappropriately, and didn't spend halftime panting after school girls out of his reach. Apparently Sakuragi Hanamichi was more of a pain than anyone from the Generation of Miracles was. At least he was good at slam dunks.

After the initial posturing and challenging each other via insults, Kagami was ready to beat his sorry ass to the ground, foul mouth and all. They'd traded barbs in Sakuragi's halting Engrish and Kagami, more fluent in the ways of American slang, enjoyed it despite the way Sakuragi was huffing and smacking the ball away from Kagami at any moment he got.

Then Kuroko came to watch, Momoi in tow, and Sakuragi completely lost interest in Kagami.

"Your new friend is strange, Kagami-kun," said Kuroko, watching Sakuragi agonize over whether it was cheating on your not-girlfriend if you looked at a hot girl and maybe asked her out for an burger or two.

"I think we were supposed to be having a one-on-one match," said Kagami, clearing his throat.

Too bad Sakuragi was busy ogling Momoi's ass, already distracted from the match. "Oh man," said Sakuragi, whistling. " _I'm so happy I went into basketball_."

"Kagami-kun, your friend is really, really weird," Momoi tittered behind Kuroko's shoulder. Kagami rolled his eyes and turned back to Sakuragi.

"Basketball isn't for picking up chicks, asshole," said Kagami. "And that's my. Er."

"Girlfriend," said Momoi, hopefully, despite clinging to Kuroko like a limpet.

"We'll talk about it later," Kagami muttered.

"I joined basketball for _love_ , bastard," said Sakuragi. "Don't insult Haruko-chan!"

Suffice to say, no one played basketball that day.

 

**5\. First time**

 

Kagami's pillows were too large, too puffy, too soft. Momoi couldn't sleep for fear that she'd sink in, or fall off the bed. Even with Kagami's arm cradling the back of her neck, she stayed awake.

"Taiga," she whispered, her palm warm against his chest, bare and cooling. "Taiga."

Kagami groaned, but didn't open his eyes. "If I tell you I love you, will you please go to sleep," said Kagami, into Momoi's hair.

"Maybe if you said it more than once," said Momoi.

 

**6\. Fluff**

 

Kagami took a deep breath, and covered her fingers with his.

"I love you," he said, "I love you. I love you. I love you."

 

**7\. Humor**

 

"Did you give birth to him or something," said Kagami, motioning to Aomine camped cozily in Kagami's living room couch "because I really can't tell if you're his mother or his friend."

"His mother gets stressed easily," said Momoi, apologetically.

"Har har har," said Aomine, "now go make breakfast. I haven't eaten since _yesterday_."

 

**8\. Hurt/Comfort**

 

The first time Momoi attempted to give Kagami a boxed lunch, Kagami ended up in the bathroom hugging the toilet.

"Oops," said Momoi, pulling his bangs back and rubbing his back. "Sorry about that, Kagamin!"

" _How is Aomine still alive_ ," Kagami warbled out.

"Through the power of love," Momoi lied. "And maybe some antacids."

 

**9\. Smut**

 

Kagami didn't have a lot of experience, contrary to Momoi's initial assumptions. He bit too hard where it felt tender, a cresting ache that made Momoi flinch, and he was too rough, too demanding, too --

Kagami crooked a finger, inside her, one, two, three. Momoi's eyelids fluttered open; her nails dug deeper into his back.

What he lacked in finesse, he made up for in eagerness, at least. She didn't have to tell him to move.

 

**10\. UST**

 

Sometime in between sophomore year and the winter break, Momoi started flirting with Kagami. It may have had to do with Kuroko penning love letters in Kagami's hand and getting Aomine to stuff them in Momoi's locker. That, or the chocolates might have done it. Whatever the case, Kagami was always more than a little confused at the sudden jump in attention and barely rose to Momoi's baiting.

Riko wondered where she fit in as an agony aunt in this disaster.

"I'm not sure if he's really into me," Momoi confessed, sighing as Aomine threw a ball to Kagami's face. "He's just so..."

"Single-minded?" Riko said, by rote.

"He looks at Aomine's ass more than mine," Momoi despaired.

"I think that has to do with Aomine rebounding a lot, Momoi-san," said Kuroko.

"Are you finally giving up," said Riko, spitefully. She still had more than a couple of issues to deal with when it came to Momoi.

"Not at all," said Momoi, cheerfully. "If I got through Tetsu-kun--"

"You didn't," said Kuroko.

"--then how bad can Kagamin be, right?"

Riko folded her arms over her chest and watched Kagami tackle Aomine to the floor, discontented with a simple fistfight. "Good luck," she said, and meant it.

 

**( Aomine/Momoi. )**

**5\. First time**

 

 

There were days when he thought he liked her more, when he loved her best.

In the morning, they set out together, hand in hand, she in a white summer dress, a hat on her head. In her arm, she carried an empty pail. Inside, the rest of the team slept, and ate.

"Even three years later, they treat me like a freshman," he told her.

Her smile was dimpled, and fond. "That's because you acted like a senior when you were a first year brat."

He jogged past her, for that; she sighed and followed, but did not run.

When they reached the pump, he let her prop the pail up as he set to work. The water spilled out in halting gushes; one moment, and two, and another delay. Her feet were wet, when they filled it halfway, her sandals darker with its dampness.

They went back together, side by side, the pail the only separation between their arms. Before they reached the entrance of the vacation house, he stopped her; he left the pail by the stone steps.

He kissed her once; and then, again, and again.

"What was that for," she asked, when they separated.

"Nothing," he said, and went back inside.

 

**( Aomine/Kagami. )**

**1\. Angst**

 

 

Going pro isn't known for its longevity. Twenty years is a long time -- Aomine is only angry it takes him less than that.

"Don't pity me," says Aomine. " _Don't you fucking dare_."

Kagami closes the door to the locker room, on his way out.

 

**2\. AU**

 

"See," says Aomine, "I told you joining the swim team wouldn't be so bad."

Kagami almost agrees, except Aomine pushes him into the pool. _In his uniform_.

He makes Aomine buy him new phone the next day.

 

**3\. Crack**

 

"Is there a reason Aomine is claiming to be the father of your unborn child," Riko booms in the middle of practice after getting off the phone with Touou's manager.

"I thought that was just from eating too much," says Koganei, amazed. Kuroko reaches out to touch Kagami's stomach, only Kagami swats him away.

"Please don't ask," is Kagami's terse advice, to Hyuuga's perplexed face. "Aomine is a liar and a crazy person and _I am not pregnant at all_."

Hyuuga, wisely, shuts his mouth.

 

**4\. Crossover**

 

"What the fuck are solar hands and how come Kagami has them?" Aomine snorts, crossing his arms over his chest. " _He isn't even that good with his hands_."

"Oh my god," says Kagami, and prays Aomine shuts up.

 

**5\. First time**

 

If anyone asks, it _didn't_ happen in the showers.

Really, it didn't.

 

**6\. Fluff**

 

"What part of this is supposed to be heartwarming," says Kagami, through a mouthful of cake.

"It's a Japanese tradition," says Aomine, bending to lick off the icing on Kagami's forehead. "Just go with it, asshat."

 

**7\. Humor**

 

"Mom, meet my other mom," says Aomine.

"What," says Kagami and Aomine's mother, at the same time.

"Oops," says Aomine, and ducks into the kitchen to find some chips.

 

**8\. Hurt/Comfort**

 

"It's just a game, you guys," says Momoi, which is what any normal and sane person would be saying at 10 in the evening while running on zero calories from a non-existent dinner. Kagami just looks at her like this is the dumbest thing he's ever heard, barring the stuff that comes out of Aomine's mouth.

"Yes," says Aomine, pained. "This is what I have to deal with every day."

 

**9\. Smut**

 

"Pffft," says Aomine, breathing hard into Kagami's shoulder. "You really suck at this."

"I'll show you who sucks hard," says Kagami, promising vengeance.

They're dead to the world for the entirety of tomorrow.

 

**10\. UST**

 

"Kagami-kun," says Kuroko, patiently, "if Aomine keeps bothering you for food and taking you to the court and giving you his shoes, then yes, I think he is trying to ask you out."

"Huh, whatever," says Kagami, distractedly. "What was your answer to number 5 again?"

 _Sorry Aomine-kun :(_ , Kuroko texts, and shuts off his phone.

 

**( Akashi/Momoi )**

**1\. Angst**

 

 

He asked her to marry him once, off-handedly, as she herded the team to the bus. She thought he was joking.

Sometimes he really wanted to ask again. Then he looked at how she fussed over Aomine, how she followed Kuroko and never mustered the courage for it.

He knew how it would end, anyway.

 

**2\. AU**

 

"Have you ever thought about switching to go?" Momoi asks, after the fifth game. Two losses

"If you beat me," says Akashi, and proceeds to win the next.

 

**3\. Crack**

 

If there was one thing the basketball team took seriously beyond Nationals, it was recruitment period.

"I've managed to distract the tennis team with grip tape, for now," Momoi reported. "And I sent Kise over to the soccer team as a distraction and got Dai-chan to lock the baseball team in the storage room."

Too bad for the other sports clubs, they didn't have anyone as efficient as Momoi, nor were their captains as ruthless as Akashi.

"Shall I leave the kendo club to you, then," said Akashi, not quite a command.

Momoi smiled, small and calculating. "Already on it, buchou."

 

**4\. Crossover**

 

In the end, it was the two of them left in that island to die.

He shot her like he'd shot Aomine, and she'd looked at him, gutted, like Kuroko when she'd stabbed him last year. So many children dead, so much wasted potential. _I'll kill you_ , she'd promised, because what was her only worth if not to protect her friend; wasn't that why she had enlisted? Aomine didn't even last past day two -- waste, waste, waste.

Tomorrow, the government would parade him around like a winner -- the first in Teikou, perhaps not the last. And that was what Akashi was, wasn't he?

Wasn't he?

 

**5\. First time**

 

"Dai-chan," Momoi yelled, sending a pillow flying at Aomine's face, " _learn to knock_!"

Aomine made a garbled noise. It may or may not have been Akashi's name. Akashi would never know, because Momoi chased him out soon afterwards.

Honestly, he should have expected this to happen.

 

**6\. Fluff**

 

On summer vacation, they watched the fireworks together. No, not together, not quite; Aomine was dead to the world, buried under the sand on the beach with Kise and Kuroko piling more atop his chest. Murasakibara contemplated a stall selling taiyaki. Midorima sighed and pretended not to know any of them.

He passed the cup of shaved ice to her, and she accepted. Her nails grazed his palm, the rough spread of it. If he were more daring, he would have caught her wrist, and pushed the arm of her sleeve back. She'd look best in a kimono, or none at all, he thought.

She held out her hand, and he took it, unconsciously. "Let's look for some sparklers," she said.

"Yes," he answered, curling his fingers around hers, "let's."

 

**7\. Humor**

 

"If you wanted to get laid, couldn't you have gone for a nicer girl," says Aomine, sadly. "Someone with nicer breasts and doesn't nag like a damn harpy -- what about that chick from the art club? Isn't she your type?"

"Stop scaring away my dates," Momoi screeches.

"I'm only doing this for you, man," says Aomine, raising his hands in surrender.

Momoi smacks him with her bag, and turns to Akashi. "Please feel free to punish him with laps."

 

**8\. Hurt/Comfort**

 

One of the reasons Aomine will never take Akashi seriously: he's seen Momoi single-handedly drag Akashi to the nurse's office after inadvertently subjecting him to food poisoning.

 

**9\. Smut**

 

Yet another reason: he's seen him with his pants down in Momoi's room. Several times.

Aomine should really learn to knock.

 

**10\. UST**

 

"The girls' locker room is that way," says Akashi, stiffly.

Momoi's fingers pause mid-breast level, her shirt bunched up around her crossed arms. "Oh," she says, waving him off, "it's okay, I can change here."

Akashi pointedly _does not peek_.

Aomine, on the other hand, does.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Anything involving Aomine or Momoi will invariably lead to a "walking in on character A having sex with character B" moment. Yes. I TRIED, YOU GUYS.
> 
> Also, [addendum](http://archiveofourown.org/comments/1618804) to kikuro crack fill for Sei.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [5 times Kuroko wished he never opened his damn mouth](https://archiveofourown.org/works/547880) by [highboys (orphan_account)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/highboys)




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